How I was Directly Responsible for the Presidential Election of 2016: A Timeline

We are here now. Donald Trump is nearly a lock for the GOP presidential nomination. As I look around wondering how we got here I understand that I am, at least partially, to blame. Let’s take a look back at some of the pivotal moments leading up to the absurdity we are in now.

1992: Donald Trump appears in the film Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. I am 10-years-old, so I don’t know much about him other than he is a rich guy. I think it is a nice touch. 3 stars.

2003-2004: Trump considers running for the 2004 election. I don’t know this. I’m a punk college kid who starts studying philosophy and can’t be bothered. Because if all my cells replace themselves over time am I still me?

2004: The Apprentice debuts on network television and I don’t watch it. I never do. This will be the proof of my dissent I shrugging-ly give to others around the trash fire we use for warmth, after the last power generators become property of the 20 people who can afford to guard them.

2000-2010: At some point I notice Trump: The Game during a visit to my Aunt’s cabin in Colorado. I examine it and I believe some pieces are missing. I place it back on the shelf. Donald Trump’s net worth continues its expansion. Or not. I don’t know. Nobody knows.

2009: I see an episode of Celebrity Apprentice. I retain no specific memories of it but I hope this fact is not brought up as a counterpoint to my story about not watching The Apprentice, ultimately resulting in my expulsion from the community warming fires.

2011: Trump makes a bid to be the Republican nominee for the 2012 presidential election. I’m not sure how seriously I need to take this. I laugh nervously and look around a lot as I realize it’s not going to happen. I don’t need to do anything.

2015: Trump makes another bid to be the Republican nominee for the 2016 presidential election. I don’t think much of it because we went through this already. I don’t need to worry. He keeps doing well in polls but most commentators think he will say something awful and his campaign will implode. Instead, his campaign grows stronger, feeding off the negative emotions of the populace, not unlike the slime in Ghostbusters 2 (3 stars). I gradually realize this election is different because more than one time while I am having dinner, people close to me say something like “I don’t…totally…agree with him…but he does say some true things.” I take sips from my beverage to absolve me of having to respond. I still feel like this will burn itself out. I don’t need to do anything.

2016: Event horizon. No one is steering the ship. Even the people I know who kind of used to agree with his talking points begin to nervously look around. We were just a little upset about not having as much money as we think we should. We didn’t mean it.

  1 comment for “How I was Directly Responsible for the Presidential Election of 2016: A Timeline

  1. Lydia Trefz
    April 16, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    hehehe I love 2003-3004!
    -your biggest fan

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